Return to Amara
by vanhunks
Summary: J/C. Sequel to "Primate". Kathryn and Chakotay return years later to New Earth.


amara ****

Return to Amara

A sequel to "Primate" 

by 

vanhunks

Summary: Kathryn and Chakotay return years later to New Earth. Sequel to the story "Primate". 

****

Rating: G

Disclaimer: Paramount remains Chief.

****

Note: This story is set near the end of season five. 

****

RETURN TO AMARA

Kathryn turned on her side and braced herself on her elbow, her chin resting firmly against her palm. She studied the sleeping figure. Sometime during the night he had disengaged himself from the spoon position behind her and now he lay on his back, breathing evenly and looking peaceful. He was greying at the temples, she noticed idly. It was a rather distinguishing looking grey and the normally cropped black hair lay flat against his scalp. Her hand reached out to touch the tattoo, her fingers tracing the lines and little half-circles.

She stopped when a muscle in his jaw twitched. 

Bending down, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Chakotay stirred.

"I thought that should get you awake," she said softly. 

"Kathryn, honey, you do that every morning, I'm so grateful," he said sleepily, turning on his side, facing away from her. "Leave me alone," he muttered.

She threw her arm round him, her hand securely against his hard chest, and her mouth brushing against his neck. His hand came up to cover hers, clasping it tightly. She heard him expel a deep sigh. 

"I love you," she whispered against his neck. Her legs were spooned to his body, and her toes touched his.

"Thank you..."

"Really..."

"I know, my Kathryn. Now, will you let me sleep?"

Kathryn gave a contented sigh and closed her eyes. Her Chakotay. Her perfect mate. Her lover, her husband. Friend-mate… The last five years she had been counting her blessings every day. The day she finally admitted to herself that command and duty meant nothing to her if it compromised her life's happiness, was the day her life changed forever.

They had been back in the Alpha Quadrant a year when he entered her life again. It was five years after they had first entered the Delta Quadrant and then almost miraculously returned when a wormhole proved stable enough to take Voyager through. Chakotay's pardon was further endorsed by the faith the Federation had in him when they offered him a ship...

She remained with Voyager...

** 

"I'm losing the best First Officer I ever had, Chakotay," she said the day he informed her that he had accepted his new commission.

"There will be others, Captain," he said, an edge to his voice. It sounded hard, steely, as if he struggled to keep his composure.

"Yes, but they're not - "

"Me? Is that what you want to say, Captain?" he cut in a little too quickly.

"Chakotay, I - "

"It has been...good, serving with you, Captain Janeway." Chakotay turned on his heel and left the office of Admiral Paris.

Long after he left, she stared at the door.

Kathryn, why didn't you just tell him? 

She pursed her lips and tried to stifle a cry at the thought that he might never want to see her again. 

Face it, Kathryn, you've blown it. You've blown it since New Earth. Even now, You couldn't let go of the habit of command. She gave a sob, then forced herself to calm before she left the Admiral's office.

A year later her feelings were no different from what they had been when Chakotay had taken his leave of her in Admiral Paris' office. She was a coward then, not telling him how she felt, still feeling the old habits of masking what she felt and subduing all emotional attachment because she was an officer first, never a woman. Chakotay had in all probability gone on with his life, may even have taken a partner. The thought of that brought a stabbing pain in her heart. Chakotay with another woman was a possibility, as unpalatable as the thought was to her. He might have changed, might feel differently when in her, nothing has changed. 

__

Now he'll never know... She felt a twitch of pain in her heart. What could she do now? The last year in particular, on Voyager, had been a constant battle to stay in control of her emotions, not to give in to her feelings, knowing Chakotay would never return them... The hurt had been burned too deeply into his soul, and she could never undo it. Never, she thought as she walked in a daze away from Headquarters to board her shuttle that would take her to Indiana... 

The words "habit of command" would ring like a litany in the year she captained her old ship through the far reaches of the Alpha and Gamma Quadrants. The words "wasted chances" would dance around in her head and heart in the year she missed Chakotay so much that she thought she would die. The words "leap of faith" became a prayer...

She did nearly die...

She gave an involuntary cry then, and felt herself being shaken.

"Kathryn, sweetheart, wake up. It's a dream."

When she opened her eyes, a concerned Chakotay hovered over her, his hands still on her slender shoulders. She gave a huge sob and threw herself against him. He enfolded her in his arms, and rocked her gently until she became calm again.

"I almost died, Chakotay..." she whispered against his chest. 

"It's over, Kathryn. It's been over five years ago," he comforted her.

"Yes..."

"You must rest, Admiral," he said softly against her hair, then pressed her gently back against the pillows. 

"I will, Captain, as soon as you let me go," she said, nuzzling his neck, her lips brushing his as she slid down again and relaxed against the pillows. 

"I love you..." she breathed as she looked at him.

He bent down to kiss her gently, then slid alongside her.

He spooned her body to his, and held her like that until he could hear her even breathing again. 

He gave a sigh.

Yes, five years ago...

** 

She had been injured in a shipboard accident, and he had been on a mission near the Goron star cluster in the Gamma Quadrant. 

The subspace message was relayed from Starfleet Medical by Admiral Paris, whose stern face filled the screen, and who almost barked at Chakotay to be at Kathryn's side.

"She's a stubborn little thing, Captain," the admiral said tersely, but his eyes held concern and love. "She needs you. Don't let her get away this time..."

It had taken him five days to get to Starfleet Medical. Five days in which he thought he'd go insane. He had been beset by extreme concern for her health, as well as the uncertainty that she might not want him back. Through a series of subspace messages he was brought up to date about her condition: she had severe plasma burns, suffered concussion and had two cracked ribs. 

She kept calling for him, was what their old EMH told him. That was when they devised a plan by which he could speak to Kathryn, anything, as long as she heard his voice. It was little comfort to him that Kathryn came out of her coma because of his voice, relayed over light-years to her. She was not responding to treatment, and Holodoc had his hand in what little hair he had.

He had to be Starfleet's most difficult Captain those critical days he spent racing to Kathryn's side.

And when he saw her...

She was sitting in the lush gardens maintained by Boothby. She looked like a small child sitting on that bench. The sun touched her hair, giving it a burnished glow. 

He walked slowly up to her, and only when he approached, did she look up to see who it was.

She rose from her seat. 

"Chakotay..." it came as a soft, breathy whisper, as if his appearance had simply been the continuance of her train of thought. 

"Kathryn..." he said, walking round the bench to face her, and taking her hand in his. He tried not to show his shock or distress at her appearance. She was still very ill, but had insisted on meeting him here, away from the hospital wards. Her hand felt soft and warm. It brought back memories.

Memories. His heart thundered wildly. He took his fill of her. He hadn't seen her in a year. He drank in every beloved feature, his hand going up to touch her hair. He touched the dark circles under her eyes, saw her frown slightly. Almost belatedly, he asked:

"How are you?"

She turned her face away from him, her eyes had a faraway look in them.

"Better," she said quietly.

"How much better, Kathryn?" he asked hoarsely as he again touched her cheek and make her look at him. She cast her eyes down, but a frown marred her beautiful features. She looked so fragile, as if the wind could lift her and blow her away.

"How much?" he asked again. He noticed how gaunt she looked, so thin, the blue hospital gown hung very loosely on her. 

"I - am not recovering at the - the rate I am supposed to..."

"What's retarding it, Kathryn?" he asked as he took her hand and made her sit down again on the bench. She looked like she might faint. He had already been given the latest update of Kathryn's condition, also that she was not responding to treatment...

"What do you want me to say, Chakotay?" she asked as she looked first at him then gazed over the water of the duck pond. "That I missed you so much I can't think anymore? That for one second I lost my concentration and injured myself? That - that -"

He saw how she struggled to speak. Even now, sick as she was, it was difficult her to open up to him. Or perhaps...

He spoke then.

"I love you, Kathryn. I'll never stop, you know."

She turned to look at him; he saw her lips tremble, and he saw the first drops of the tears that would fall unendingly for the next few minutes as he held her to him. How could he not take her fragile body into his arms? How could he not wrap her completely in his embrace and whisper over and over his feelings for her? How could he not be protective over her when all his instincts surfaced so full and terrifyingly in those moments? He was laying himself bare, vulnerable again, until he held her soft body to him, and felt the quivering longing in her tears and stammered apologies.

When she stopped, she looked at him, and there was a new sheen in her eyes. She raised her hand to touch his face. Her fingers caressed his face, his hair, touched his cheeks, traced the lines of his tattoo. For long moments he let her touch him, like a blind person, her fingers roamed his face, and remembered long forgotten touches in faraway places.

"I love you, Chakotay," she breathed at last, as her hand rested against his cheek. His own hand covered hers, and he closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of her against him, reveling in the new, new dimension of their relationship. 

He felt an immense surge of peace flow through his body. It was almost physical, the way his body relaxed, how all the old concerns and parameters and anger seeped from him. All the while he held her to him, not speaking. She was his now, for all time.

Much later, he held her away from him, and looked deeply into her eyes. 

"Marry me, Kathryn," he asked quietly, soberly. Yet, there was a certain expectancy, a certain fear, which must have shown in his eyes, for her hand went to his face again and she brushed her fingers lightly over his closed lids.

He waited.

"When?" she asked softly.

He opened his eyes to look at her, and saw in her own eyes the fearlessness, the old clouds gone. Although she was still so sick, her eyes shone in her tired face - eyes that filled with tears again.

"Now," he said firmly as he pulled her up gently and hauled her into his arms. "Tom's father will do the honours. He's waiting for us..."

** 

Chakotay gave Kathryn a gentle squeeze as he remembered the expression of surprise on her face, replaced a second later by pure ecstasy mixed with a mild sense of panic. Then her eyes filled with a peace that has never left her since.

He hadn't given her a chance to change her mind.

She welcomed it that he took charge. They were married within half an hour after she said "yes" to him. She remained in the hospital for a week before was declared fit to be discharged.

The month's leave of absence they were both granted, they spent first her home in Indiana, where Gretchen Janeway looked approvingly at the man who had finally stilled her daughter's turbulent heart. 

It was still only 0500 hours, and Kathryn had been restless in sleep. They were on his own ship, the Wittenberg, traveling in the Delta Quadrant. With transwarp drive now past its fledgling stage, they were taking their much needed vacation here...

"Kathryn..." he whispered softly against her as he drifted off to sleep again.

** 

They were in the Captain's private dining room, breakfasting with Joe Carey, Chakotay's First Officer, and the Chief Medical Medical Officer, Dr Arion Keino. 

It was a pleasant party, and there were none of the angst and major concerns that typified their previous five year journey in the Delta Quadrant. 

"Well, Captain... Admiral," Joe said, looking at each of them in turn, "are you all packed and ready to go?" He smiled as he saw the look Admiral Janeway gave her husband. He was very happy for them. They had all been so disappointed when Captain Chakotay refused to continue serving on Voyager with Kathryn Janeway after their return to the Alpha Quadrant. 

"We are," Chakotay said, his dimples deepening as he smiled at Kathryn. 

"I must caution you to remain in contact with the Wittenberg at all times, Captain," said Dr Keino. "We can never be too complacent about our position here - "

"We are aware of that, Arion," Chakotay replied. "This time, we have Federation backing, and their blessing on the project we are to launch with the Vidiians..."

"Captain, you are to have your vacation first, since you haven't had one in nearly two years," Joe said.

"Thank you."

"We're happy to get rid of you for two weeks..."

"Thank _you_," Kathryn replied. Chakotay had been constantly on the move, and the times they spent together, were very precious indeed. Hopefully, after this mission, Starfleet Command can get Chakotay to accept the promotion he had been offered nearly two years ago. She smiled inwardly as she thought how she herself had been unsuccessful in convincing him to take that desk job as the Academy... Now, it's an open and standing invitation. They really needed him home. She needed him home...

"Dr Keino," Kathryn said in a placating gesture as she touched his hand, "I promise you I'm in good hands..." She looked at Chakotay as she said it and the small group sighed with relief and smiled again before they resumed their meal.

** 

They were walking to Chakotay's quarters. The Wittenberg, carrying a crew of four hundred, was a much larger vessel than Voyager, and Kathryn enjoyed the spaciousness of the Captain's quarters. 

Their mission was a diplomatic one, a working holiday, Kathryn was told when she and Chakotay had been briefed at Starfleet Command. She smiled. Tom's father had been instrumental in setting it up.

"You need a vacation, Kathryn," Admiral Paris said brusquely, unable to hide his concern successfully. Kathryn knew he was worried about her, and she was indeed tired and in need of a break. "You miss him when he's away..." the old man said.

How could she deny it? 

In two weeks they would meet with Danara Pel and Dr Sulan to discuss the Federation's commitment to provide the Vidiians with the much needed information and set up structures that could trace those members of their race who were still spread over seventeen sectors and who needed to be cured. A successful negotiation with the Klingons - Chakotay's work and Maquis experience - had resulted in a protracted and ongoing programme to provide the Federation with Klingon DNA genetic material. She and Chakotay would be meeting with Danara and Sulan only in two weeks' time. Right now, they were orbiting the planet she and Chakotay nicknamed New Earth so many years ago. 

The Wittenberg would leave for another star system for a series of experiments, and the crew would take their own shore leave there.

She felt the excitement rise in her. So much had changed since Chakotay proposed to her in the hospital grounds. So much. Now, she basked wonderfully in Chakotay's love and she wondered for the umpteenth time why she could never have committed herself earlier to him. She almost lost him. She almost lost the will to live. She knew though, that when she said yes to him finally, he became to her everything she had dreamed of: a wonderful spouse, a wonderful friend-mate, lover, always attentive and always, always so acutely sensitive to her needs.

"Happy?" Chakotay's voice broke into her thoughts as they neared his quarters. 

"Supremely," she replied the moment they were inside and away from prying eyes. 

When he could breathe again, he said: "Well, my love, you got what you wanted for our anniversary. A well-earned rest and two weeks in paradise."

"Chakotay! Our shelter will have been overgrown by the natural vegetation - "

"Which you, my sweet love, agreed to help clear away..."

"Right..."

*** 

"You really wanted to see Amara again, Kathryn," Chakotay stated as they boarded their shuttle. They had been to the cargo bay first and then proceeded to the shuttle bays. Whatever they needed to "rough it", had already been on the shuttle, but there were always last minute changes. 

She hugged him, her arms going around his waist. She looked up in his face, saw that he was not teasing for once. Yes, she badly wanted to see their little friend. She wasted precious years seeing Chakotay's need, and not acknowledging that need, not acknowledging her own desperate need of him. She had thought constantly of little 

Amara since then, especially in the years after their return. Chakotay had elected to serve on another ship, away from her... There was a sad frown as she remembered that first year... 

They were already on the shuttle, when she spoke at last.

"Yes," she said finally. "Yes, I badly want to see her... You know why, Chakotay..."

"I love you, Kathryn," Chakotay said as he shifted into the command seat after the doors closed.

"I know, warrior man..."

Chakotay gave her a brilliant smile.

***

Amara was sitting at the edge of the great woods. In front of her was the great water. It shone as the waking light of Day kissed the waters. 

Kissed.

__

kis-sed

She pressed her fingers immediately against her lips. Her eyes closed and she thought she could see her woman goddess and man warrior again.

The great light came and went away over the great waters many, many times, and still she did not see them. Once, when the storms came, she hid in their home... She could still smell them...

Everyday day she longed for them, everyday day there was a Great Emptiness. She looked down and touched her chest, then for a few moments, she beat frantically against it. 

She was still banging her chest when she heard a soft sound. It did not come from the forest, and it was not the sound of the fleet-of-foot spider-eater, although it sounded like it. She looked up and saw something in the blue sky. The great Day light shone on it, and when it came nearer, she jumped excitedly up and down. It was their bird-that-did-not-live! 

Her hands beat against her chest, she cried and screeched, jumped up and down, and sometimes, long forgotten names that came to her memory now, expelled from her:

__

cha-ko-tay

god-dess

a-ma-ra

Then she started running. She was very far from their home.

__

a-ma-ra - must - go - go - go - quick - 

a-ma-ra must - be - like - the fleet-of-foot spider-eater...

**

Amara crept quietly through the thicket that would lead her to the home-place of her woman goddess and man cha-ko-tay. The light that made Day, had gone to rest and made again Day when Amara eventually reached her favourite place.

It was still the time of the wet leaves, but soon, as the red glow faded and turned white and warmed the leaves, they would dry.

It was morning.

__

mor-ning... is what her woman goddess said when Amara came to their home-place. 

Now Amara was curious, but she had a feeling too, an instinct that told her it would be her woman goddess and man warrior who came down in the bird-of-the-sky.

__

man-war-rior - war-rior - man - Amara tried to mouth the name.

She shrank back behind a little bush when she heard them speak, and then her insides lifted and became light. It was the Gladness that she felt. 

It was her goddess and man warrior!

"You know, Chakotay, it's as if we've never been away," Amara heard her woman goddess speak.

"That's because New Earth has never left your heart, my love," the man cha-ko-tay answered. 

Amara sat at the edge of the clearing and watched how her man cha-ko-tay's arms went around her woman goddess, and she saw the man cha-ko-tay link his fingers behind the goddess' back. He held her close to him.

Amara's goddess looked up at the man cha-ko-tay, her face bathed by the glow that was almost the same colour as the seed-fruits Amara always ate when she came here. The man cha-ko-tay held tightly onto the woman goddess, and his lips touched hers.

Amara stared.

Instinctively her own fingers touched her lips, and she kept them there, pressed against her mouth. She watched them, and her fingers were against her lips the whole time her man cha-ko-tay's lips were on her woman goddess' lips.

It did not feel good, Amara thought as she brought her fingers away from her lips. It felt very good. The Gladness swelled inside her at the sight of her beloved woman goddess and man warrior. She could see they had the Gladness. They touched and touched. Their eyes were always on each other.

The glow of the Day rose higher.

Amara stood for a few seconds before she moved. A twig snapped. She jerked back, startled, but they had seen her already.

"Well, hello there," her goddess spoke. The sound was like the sound of the water as it kissed the river-stones. Amara looked at the man warrior, but he stood still. Only the goddess moved.

The light danced in her hair, like the many night flames that Amara always saw in the woods. She took two steps forward, then stilled again. Her lady, the goddess, had gone down and was sitting on the soft, warm leaves.

"Amara," spoke her goddess. It was soft, a sound that made her inch forward.

__

a-ma-ra.... The sound was a chitter, but it seemed her goddess understood her. She moved right up to her goddess, then she stood quite still. She sensed something. Some things. Almost without volition, Amara clambered on her goddess' lap, her long arm going round her neck, and her other hand reached down...

*** 

Chakotay and Kathryn watched in fascination as Amara's palm rested against Kathryn's stomach.

"She knows, Chakotay," Kathryn breathed softly as she caressed Amara's fur. 

"She's a lady, Kathryn. They sense these things."

Kathryn put her hand over Amara's where it still rested against Kathryn's stomach.

"Ba-by..."

__

ba-by, Amara responded.

"Chakotay..."

"I'm right here, Kathryn," she heard his voice as she put Amara down and rose to meet him. He had gone back inside the shelter and now he came out with something he carried in his hand.

It was a large box, used to carry pets.

Amara's nose pricked. She heard a sound, jumped away at first, then edged closer very cautiously.

There was a grid at the opening and the occupant could be heard frantically trying to get out. 

Chakotay and Kathryn laughed as he bent down to open the door of the box. 

Amara scurried away to the furthest edge of the clearing as another that looked like her came out of the box. 

"There now, Amara, we brought you a mate," Kathryn said as she stood next to Chakotay and watched Amara come closer, more out of curiosity than anything else. 

"Etosha."

__

e-to-sha...

a-ma-ra

Etosha stood, sniffing and sniffing. He went closer and touched Amara; pulled a hair on her head. Then Amara did something even Kathryn had not foreseen as the two animals sized each other up. Amara reached forward and pressed her lips against Etosha's mouth. 

Kathryn and Chakotay burst out laughing. 

They were still laughing as Amara ran off into the woods, followed by Etosha.

** 

****

end


End file.
